Saturday, July 25, 2009

Dispute This!

I would be happy to hear anyone refute any of the following Observations of the President's 1st 100 Days:

1. Offended the Queen of England

2. Bowed to the King of Saudi Arabia

3. Praised the Marxist Daniel Ortega,

4. Kissed Hugo Chavez on the cheek

5. Endorsed the Socialist Evo Morales of Bolivia

6. Announced we would meet with Iranians with no pre-conditions

7. Gave away billions to AIG also without pre-conditions.

8. Expanded the bailouts

9. Insulted everyone who has ever loved a Special Olympian

10. Doubled our national debt

11. Announced a termination of the space defense system the day after the North Koreans launched an ICBM.

12. Despite the urgings of his own CIA director and the prior CIA directors, released information on intelligence gathering

13. Accepted without public comment the fact that five of his cabinet members cheated on their taxes and two others withdrew after they couldn't take the heat

14.. Appointed a Homeland Security Chief who quickly identified as "dangers to the nation", groups including veteran of the military, and opponents to abortion on demand, and who ordered that the word "terrorism" no longer be used but instead referred to such acts as "man made disasters.

15. Circled the globe so he could openly apologize for America's greatness.

16. Told Mexicans the violence in their country was because of us...

17. Politicized the census by moving it into the White House from its Department of Commerce origins

18. Appointed as Attorney General the man who orchestrated the forced removal and expulsion from America to Cuba of nine-year old whose mother died trying to bring him a life of freedom in the United States.

19. Salutes as heroes three Navy SEALS who took down three terrorists who threatened one American life and the next day announces members of the Bush administration will likely stand trial for torturing a terrorist who had played a part in killing
3000 Americans by pouring water up their nose.

20. Air Force One over New York City

21.. And last but certainly not least, wiped out the life saving of thousands of Chrysler and GM bond holders.

And now the police are stupid too.
1360 more FRIGHTENING days to go...but dang he reads a great speech!

Friday, July 24, 2009

Congress to Outsource U.S. Presidency

Congress Votes to Outsource Presidency
Washington, DC, July 10, 2009

Congress today announced that the office of President of the United States
of America will be outsourced to India as of September 1, 2009.

The move is being made in order to save the President's $500000 yearly
salary, and also a record $750 billion in deficit expenditures and related
overhead that his office has incurred during the last 3 months.

It is anticipated that $7 trillion can be saved to the end of the
President's term. "We believe this is a wise financial move. The cost
savings are huge," stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-Wa). "We cannot
remain competitive on the world stage with the current level of cash
outlay," Reynolds noted.

Obama was informed by email this morning of his termination. Preparations
for the job move have been underway for some time.

Gurvinder Singh, a tele-technician for Indus Teleservices, Mumbai India,
will assume the office of President as of September 1, 2009. Mr. Singh was
born in the United States while his Indian parents were vacationing at
Niagara Falls, NY, thus making him eligible for the position. He will
receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month, but no health coverage or other
benefits. It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job
responsibilities without a support staff.

Due to the time difference between the US and India, he will be working
primarily at night. "Working nights will allow me to keep my day job at the
Dell Computer call center," stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview. "I
am excited about this position. I always hoped I would be President."

A Congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be fully
aware of all the issues involved in the office of President, this should not
be a problem as Obama had never been familiar with the issues either. Mr.
Singh will rely upon a script tree that will enable him to respond
effectively to most topics of concern. Using these canned responses, he can
address common concerns without having to understand the underlying issue at
all. "We know these scripting tools work," stated the spokesperson. "Obama
has used them successfully for years, with the result that some people
actually thought he knew what he was talking about."

Obama will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his final day
of employment. Following a 2-week waiting period, he will be eligible for
$140 a week unemployment for 26 weeks. Unfortunately he will not be
eligible for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will exceed the allowed
limit.

Obama has been provided with the outplacement services of Manpower, Inc. to
help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition.
According to Manpower, Obama may have difficulties in securing a new
position due to a lack of any successful work experience during his
lifetime.

A greeter position at Wal-Mart was suggested due to Obama's extensive
Experience at shaking hands, as well as his special smile.