No, I didn't write this, but it is this funny!!! The reason it is so
funny is because it is solidly based on the reality of today. With a
high school graduation
rate of about 65%, 18 year-olds who cannot figure simple
addition/subtraction math, who cannot write real English and cannot
understand what they are reading even after the fourth try, I could
actually envision our moron president introducing this as a real bill.
Just look at all the morons on TV who can't grasp the fact that a person
armed with a concealed gun at a school is more effective at protecting
the kids than the entire police department only 1/2 mile away. We're
talking super-stupid here folks, so enjoy what could in many ways be an
actuality of the future.
Washington, DC
President Barack Obama is considering sweeping legislation that will
provide new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No
Abilities Act. Advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real
skills or ambition are hailing AWNAA as a major legislative goal.
Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and
drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in
society,' said California Senator Barbara Boxer. 'We can no longer stand
by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With
this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special
favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea
of what they are doing.'
In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Majority Leader Nancy
Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid pointed to the success of
the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing
opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of
postal employees lack any job skills, making this agency the single
largest U. S. employer of Persons of Inability.
Private-sector industries with good records of non-discrimination against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry (68%), and home improvement 'warehouse' stores (65%).
At the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also
has an excellent record of hiring Persons of Inability (63%).
Under The Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million
'middle man' positions will be created, with important-sounding titles
but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of
purpose and performance. Mandatory non-performance-based raises and
promotions will be given so as to guarantee upward mobility for even the
most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax
breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of
Inability into middle-management positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.
Finally, the AWNAA contains tough new measures to make it more
difficult to discriminate against the non-abled, banning, for example,
discriminatory interview questions such as, 'Do you have any skills or experience that relate to this job?'
'As a Non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people
who have something going for them,' said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her
position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, Michigan, due to
her inability to remember 'righty tightey, lefty loosey.' 'This new law
should be real good for people like me,' Gertz added. With the passage
of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens will
finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.
Said Senator Dick Durbin (D-IL): 'As a Senator with no abilities, I
believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be
extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as
lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his
or her inadequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great
nation and a good salary for doing nothing.
